[Static] Kyle: Jebediah Kerman, you ready for launch? Jebediah Kerman: Yes! Kyle: I have a good feeling about this one. This is gonna be the one that makes it off the platform. There are only so many ways a rocket can explode before taking off. Let’s just do some final checks. I’ve set the thrusters to… Uh… 73%…ish Jebediah: Thrusters at maximum! Kyle: No, that… Yeah, all right. Um, okay. Verifying that all the stages are in the correct order. Jebediah: Seems like that should have been done before now. Kyle: It should have, but they’re good… I think. So… it’s fine. Uh, are the RCS controls active? Jebediah: Uhh, how do you check that? Kyle: Don’t remember; I was hoping you would. Probably doesn’t matter. I think we’re good to go. All right. Initiating Countdown! Five… Jebediah: Boop! [Rockets igniting] Jebediah: [Screaming] [Continued Screaming]
Kyle: Oh, dear god! Jeb, Jeb, Jeb, stop. This is not the time to panic. Later, there may very well be a reason to panic. But right now you’re moving in a straight line. So just calm down. Jebediah: I don’t know what to do. Kyle: Don’t do anything. Just sit there. Jebediah: Should I open the goo? Kyle: No, leave the goo alone. Jebediah: I spilled it. Kyle: Hey! Listen to what I am saying! Jebediah: I’m taking notes! Kyle: Jebediah! Jebediah: Look! I got science! Kyle: That’s great. Thank you. What is the matter with this guy? Is he even the right person? Ethan: Looks like him. Computer: Booster depleted. Disconnecting first stage. Kyle: Right. Jeb, how you holdin’ up? Jebediah: I’m looking out the window. Everything is blue. Kyle: That’s good! You’re still in the atmosphere. You’ll be in space soon. Jebediah: Now green… Blue. Green. Jebediah: Blue. Green.
Kyle: Aw crap, we’re spinning. Jebediah: I can’t open the hatch! Kyle: Good! Don’t! Jebediah: No, it’s stuck. It won’t move. Kyle: Stop trying to open the hatch! Man… I don’t know why it’s stuck. We’ll figure it out later. Ethan: I’ve blueprints right here. Uh, looks like there’s a ladder on top of the hatch. Kyle: Who built this rocket?! Foreman: You’re good. You’re good… You’re… good… Kyle: Okay, everybody stop talking about the hatch! Jebediah: I’m upside down now. Kyle: Oh, my God… The rocket’s flying toward the ground… Wait… Why is the camera upside down? That doesn’t even make sense. Jebediah: It’s getting really hot here! Kyle: That’s it! Abort!! Kill the engines, open the parachute, lose everything! Come on everybody. Final stage. Jebediah: [Screaming] *static* Jebediah: I made it! Kyle: You made it to the beach. Jebediah: Should I get a sample? Kyle: You are literally 10 miles from the launch pad, you incessant waste of life. Jebediah: I don’t know why you’re so mad at me. You’re the one with unlimited resources and an entire space center your disposal. It’s the only building on the entire planet. You actually have only one job. Kyle: I am leaving you in the ocean Jeb. Jebediah: No. No! [Static] [♪Living Forever♪]